Coffee is my love language.

It sums it all up. Coffee is a gift from heaven above, christened by the angels, and introduced to human kind as the ultimate bean of energy. It is a true act of service when coffee is brewed to a particular person’s interest. Coffee does not ask for anything in return, but simply nourishes your soul. It encourages quality time with others as well as solitude. The greatest part of all? It does NOT incorporate physical touch.

Physical touch is definitely not my love language; therefore, coffee is. (Logical conclusion, right?)

About a week ago, I was indulging in my love language at my favorite coffee shop with some of my friends. As we soaked up each other’s joy, we commented on our plans for this new year, and what struggles or changes we were expecting. One friend had already started living out her New Year motto of “bold moves only,” (of which I quickly adopted and have seen the fruit ALREADY!!) Another friend commented that she had recently had this conversation with someone else who had claimed this goal for 2019:

“To Know Thyself + Go Ham.”

Now THIS RIGHT HERE is what the blog post today should have been called; but, you know, being a vegan and all, it would have been been ill judgement to make this my title, right? So I changed it to something more palpable and then lured in you unsuspecting readers. Mwahaha.

To those who may not be familiar with the cool slang that is “going ham,” I will cautiously define it simply as going harder, better, faster, and stronger in life (thanks, Daft Punk). Personally, since I’m not a person to throw ragers, I would equate this term to my other friend’s mantra of only making the boldest of moves. Know yourself and live boldly.

So I sought out an even deeper friendship with myself. I wanted to be more intentional. I was done with not being fully in tune with who I am and how I should handle every possible situation. Yeah, sure, I’ll make some bold (+ definitely legal and healthy) moves, but I need to analyze myself a bit first. One cannot fully love others to capacity until she has learned to love herself. One cannot pour out anything substantial from an empty vessel.

Back to that coffee intro. My first interaction with knowing my personality was through love languages.

This was a crucial way that my family learned to understand each other and love each other better! The love language test is easy to take as a child or as an adult. There are 5 ways of loving in total, and you simply answer comparison questions to uncover how you best give AND receive love! They are as follows: acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time. The love language test uncovers how you best relate to others as well as how they can better love you. As individuals, we tend to desire certain types of love. Without knowing it, our expectation of love, solely based on personal preference, is placed on those around us. When they don’t give us the type we need according to our own love language, we can feel misunderstood, unloved, and angry towards someone who truly does love us — they just only know how to show love according to their love language. So take the time to reveal each other’s love languages in your close circle, and you will start feeling like others are finally seeing you for who you are. You can love more deeply and love more fully! (Here’s the book if you want to order it! Super helpful.)

Build your foundation of love, the greatest of all things. Then, find the other pieces to the puzzle.

Recently, I stumbled upon the Enneagram. HOLY. MOLY. To say that I was enchantedly intrigued is an understatement. The words spoke to my soul. Each page about my type whispered hidden meanings and true motivations. In a strange sense, I felt known. Boom. Ton of bricks out of nowhere. Yikes.

For those who are unfamiliar with the Enneagram, let me give you a quick summary. There are a plethora of theories for where this method of personality analysis originated from, and no one seems to be quite sure which is true. Some say it relates to Pythagorus and his mathematical theories, while other revere the signs of certain ancient cultures to be direct matches to the nine Enneagram personality types. What we do seem to agree on is that in the 20th century a Bolivian named Oscar Ichazo reintroduced and legitimized the Enneagram as a foundation of personality; another man, a Chilean named Claudio Naranjo, brought the Enneagram to the attention of modern psychology. Ian Morgan Cron, the writer of The Road Back to You, and the source from which I learned the history of the Enneagram, writes: “The Enneagram doesn’t put you in a box. It shows you the box you’re already in and how to get out of it . . . [it] is a tool that awakens our compassion for people just as they are, not the people we wish they would become so our lives would become easier.”

Well great, Kate. Thanks. Another type of personality test for me to define myself by for the rest of my life.

Not entirely true. It is not a rubric of intentions, but a catalyst for personal growth and change.

Why is the Enneagram different?

1. It gives motivations behind every action and thought of each type.
2. It discusses how our childhood shaped who we are.
3. It divulges into a spiritual element, advising how to better our relationship with our Creator.
4. It points out our most relevant human frailty and how it cripples us daily.

The enneagram doesn’t simply say, this is how you’re great and this is how you suck, enjoy the rest of your life. It is a coaching mechanism or guide to uncovering your dry bones and realigning their excellent purpose in Christ and in the world.

I am a 7w8 – a type 7 with a leaning towards, or “wing” of, an 8. The Enthusiast and the Challenger. One who dwells in freedom and boundless, contagious optimism, but represses painful memories and constantly cycles through unnecessary change. I am not going to dive into detail in this blog post about self-discovery (yes, you can all breathe a sigh of relief), but I encourage you to buy the book and find out for yourself. Read it until you come across the type that feels like someone took the desires + fears of your heart and inked them onto the page.

So here’s to knowing thyself and consuming more coffee. Here’s to intentionality and bold choices. Here’s to doing what you love, loving more fully, and receiving the love you crave.

And consuming even more coffee. Just because you can.

Comment your enneagram and favorite type of coffee below!